I Have Til 5: Magic Mike Music

 In I Have Til 5, 3MB will Pick a Topic and Discuss the 5 Finer Points of it

     While the discussions around the release of Magic Mike will mostly center around the abs of Channing Tatum, or Joe Manganiello or Matt Bomer or Matthew McConaughey, the overlap between the wrestling fan community and the Male Stripper community will most like focus on Kevin Nash, who has a role in the film as Tarzan in Magic Mike. It would be a nice nod - either from Big Sexy or Director Steven Soderberg - if Nash's scenes could incorporate something about professional wrestling. As long as it's not Nash RUBBING HIS NIPPLES LIKE HE DID IN THE LONGEST YARD!

No, Oz! No!

Image Courtesy of EW.com. Nash: featured in the Back, The Way Back

     There are other, more subtle ways to pay tribute to professional wrestling, though subtlety is not a known trait of the former Super Shredder. Let's think about this for a second: What do all strippers need? Well, besides a good waxing? Music! it's all about song selection. Diesel could jackknife his way all over that screen if the right theme is playing. Here are five entrance themes that could help Nash steal the show from his Channing Tatum.

     NOTE: We've excluded Shawn Michaels' "Sexy Boy" from "I Have Til 5" since it's the definite go-to song for any wrestling fan turned stripper. I'm pretty sure Nash dancing to Shawn's theme is a violation of the bro code (If it's not, then it should be: Thou Shalt Not Grind to Another Bro's jam)  and nobody wants to see the ladder match that will settle this dispute. Plus, after years watching HBK gyrate and strip to "Sexy Boy," do you really think Nash would want to re-create that? Of course not. He'd tear a calf just thinking about it.

   1. Simply Ravishing - Ravishing Rick Rude

     If the song is in your head right now, look down: your hips are swiveling. Don't worry. It happens to all of us. It's perfectly natural. Rick Rude was the definition of an 80's lothario, with the bushel of hair on his chest and the Tom Selleck mustache on his face. Despite this somewhat dated image, the lyrics to his WCW theme are timeless: "All the girls go crazy / they don't know what to do." If you're a male dancer, I imagine that's the reaction you'd want from a female audience. Also, I'm sure at least a male stripper or two have modeled their performance attire after Rude's custom spray painted tights.

So, That Happened: 06/25/12

When unable to tweet, Kyle will post Monday Night RAW commentary,

“So…That Happened.”

So That Happened, 06/25/12:

This recap is in no way affiliated with The WWE, Monday Night Raw 

or John Cena's Star Wars: Abridged Series

Recaps on Caps on Caps: Danie Bryan/Punk/AJ/Kane story

RAW starts off with A DIVA?! No, you’re not dreaming. No, it’s not Trish Stratus. RAW is starting with actually AJ talking to CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Kane! Amazing! She did it reality show style saying their positives and negatives. You know, Kane being a monster, Daniel Bryan being a goatface and CM Punk being more in love with Colt Cabana than AJ. Just when you think AJ’s perfected the breakup speech, you find out she’s been talking to a mirror the whole time! Hey, don’t judge her. Practice makes perfect.

We go from one Diva to another Diva! Seriously, what is this? SHIMMER?  Vickie Guerrero comes out asking to be excused. You know, if people excused her, she wouldn’t be so upset. Vickie Guerrero announces she’s the GM for the week and that she thinks she’ll be announced the GM in 4 Weeks on the 1,000^th RAW. Vickie wants to give us a good show, so her first match is a Triple Threat Elimination Match. AKA ECW’s Three Way Dance.

Match 01: Daniel Bryan vs. Kane vs. CM Punk

Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring with his trademark My Little Goatface: YESSing is Magic Gallop. As he’s “Yessing” his heart out you hear an *EXPLOSION!* and Kane comes out next with the duel masks. I’m still trying to figure out why he wears two. Maybe he’s just doesn’t want to end up like the Shockmaster so if he ever goes through a wall and his mask falls off, he’s prepared. CM Punk comes out next to a huge pop. As Punk makes his way to the ring, Michael Cole asks the WWE Universe (That’s you!) to tweet who you think AJ should be with.

#AJPunk

#AJKane

#AJBryan

#AJAll (AKA Let The Whole Crew Get On)

#MasonRyan

I picked #AJKeepItFiveStar. AJ doesn’t know it yet, but we’d be great together. The match starts off, and this is pretty similar to their match at No Way Out. There’s no multiple kicks to Kane’s chest this time. This time it’s multiple kicks to his knees. Chairs, Feet and Females are Kane’s weaknesses. AJ is shown watching the match backstage as CM Punk curb stomps Daniel Bryan.

I could tell you more about this match, but you know it’s good with these three so I’ll get to the end. CM Punk tries to GTS Bryan, but he *Eminem voice* forgot about Kane who boots him in the head then hits his sideslam and flying clothesline. Kane gets CM Punk ready for the Chokeslam but AJ’s theme plays and Kane quickly turns his head to focus on her skipping around the ring. AJ distracts Kane long enough for CM Punk to hit the GTS and go for the pin. That’s what Kane gets for putting the Divas on the pedestal.

Kane has been eliminated.

While CM Punk catches his breath, he also catches a kick to the head from Daniel Bryan. Daniel Bryan quickly covers CM Punk and gets the win.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

Post-Match, Daniel Bryan celebrates with his “YES”ing while CM Punk wonders what just happened and Kane covers his boner with the black glove.

Highlight Reel: The WWF We Wanted To See

  In Highlight Reel, 3MB will check out funny and interesting wrestling videos.

Since May 5, 2002, there has been a lingering thought in the minds of many wrestling fans. See, on that day, the World Wrestling Federation became the World Wrestling Entertainment when the decision was made that the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) had violated an agreement they had with the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) and could no longer use the letters internationally. The Powers that Be, known for their subtlety, designed the "Get the F Out" campaign to signify the wrestling company's change from F to E.

But the Question wrestling fans have had is: What if Vince had won the lawsuit? Because, you see, Vince McMahon is known not only for winning but for inning publicly. For example, after the successful acquisition of rival Company WCW, he appeared on both Monday Night RAW and Monday Nitro at the same time.

Or, when the main event of Monday Night RAW became a 10-Man Tag featuring Team Lakers (John Cena, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Jerry Lawler, Batista)  versus Team Nuggets (The Miz, Ted DiBiase Jr., Cody Rhodes, Big Show, Randy Orton) after a public dispute with Stan Kroenke, owner of the Denver Nuggets. See, the Nuggets were still in the NBA Playoffs, facing the Lakers, and the RAW was scheduled for the same night as Game 4 was in Denver's Pepsi Arena. Vince, taking advantage of the public coverage of his eviction, implied that Kroenke lacked confidence in his team, since he booked the WWE ahead of time. He also hired a Kroenke impersonator to appear on that RAW, relocated to the Staples Center, and kicked him in the balls;  but, you know, it was a subtle kick.

Had the WWE won the rights to the letters WWF, I imagine that Vince's victory celebration would have been similar to this recent scene from Conan:

Interspecies Matches! 

A Tiger doing the Five Knuckle Shuffle?

A Chair Swinging Turtle?

A Bear shaking the Ropes, Ultimate Warrior Style?

An Overbooked Finish?

Oh, What could have been!

Memorabilia Lane: Maybe! Maybe! Maybe!

 In Memorabilia Lane, We'll Discuss the Significance Some Kind of Collectible

(T-Shirt, Poster, Action Figure) has on us and its Relation to Wrestling.

   
   At ROH's Best in the World 2012, I suffered a little bit of YES! Fatigue. While waiting outside of the Hammerstein Ballroom - before the doors opened - the line went through waves YES! chants despite the 90 degree weather. Once inside the Ballroom - still before the show - the different tiers of the crowd amused themselves by starting YES! chants. As fans filled in, there were full rows of people wearing the YES! shirts, either from Barbershop Window or WWEShop.

    Since it was an ROH show, however, there were a ton of other chants during Best in the World:
"ROH"
"Best In the World"
"Cena Sucks" (it's mandatory)
"We Want Ryder" (randomly)
"Man Up"
"CM Punk"
"Daniel Bryan"
"Kill Steen Kill"
... and so on. But when in doubt, the crowd always went back to YES! YES! YES!

     No one seemed more annoyed by this than Kevin Steen. After his match against Davey Richards, where he successfully retained, he proceeded to accuse the New York crowd of being hypocrites. For cheering for El Generico (Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!) during the Final Battle 2010 against Steen. For cheering for Steen's return to ROH (Let Steen Fight! Let Steen Fight!) at Best in the World 2011. For cheering for each ROH World Champion Title contender until they won; then New York booed the Champion, habitually. While this is a fair assessment, in truth, I never stopped booing for Tyler Black or Davey Richards.

     But the biggest offense to Steen seem to be the constant YES! YES! YES! chants, especially since Daniel Bryan - not former ROH champion Bryan Danielson - is a wrestler in the WWE. In the full spirit of addressing all hypocritical behavior, Steen pointed out that he'd been a hypocrite too, discrediting Richrads publicly while respecting him privately. The one thing he didn't mention? His new t-shirt is "loosely inspired" by a John Cena shirt.

     Even so, this recent ROH experience has putting away my YES! YES! YES! shirt for a little while and choosing something more neutral and less decisive. Courtesy of Try This On For Size:

is the shirt for me for a little while. Steen will probably still find a way to call me a hypocritical piece of sh*t. He's a sick f*ck like that.

Snapshots: Undisputed Underwood?

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

Sara Jean Underwood has a lot more in common with the WWE than you would think at first glance.

Like Chris Jericho, Sara has an Alter Ego that only appears on G4's Attack of the Show: Bustice.

Like many WWE Divas, Sara has graced both the Cover and Pages of Playboy Magazine.

Like the Nature Boy Ric Flair, Sara has walked around, wearing only the World Heavyweight Championship. (Seriously, Google It. This is a PG Site ... for now)

At E3, Sara Jean Underwood added another accolade to her wrestling cross-over. She was carried around while wearing the WWE Championship:

Sarah Jean Underwood at E3 with WWE Championship

just like the Excellence of Execution, Bret "Hitman" Hart, at Wrestlemania X:

Bret Hart at Wrestlemania X as the NEW WWF Champion

Sara, you're one Sharpshooter away from the WWE Hall of Fame: Celebrity Wing.

So, That Happened: 06/18/12

When unable to tweet, Kyle will post Monday Night RAW commentary,
“So…That Happened.”

So That Happened, 06/18/12:

This recap is in no way affiliated with The WWE, Monday Night Raw.

We did, however, want Ryder.

RAW begins with Mick Foley returning to RAW. He gets a huge pop from the crowd then puts over the 1000^th RAW. Foley says the Board Of Directors called him. Since John Laurinaitis was fired, they are looking at former General Managers to run RAW and Smackdown while they find a permanent one.  So Foley is GM for the night! Somewhere backstage, Triple H isn't happy. Foley announces a TAG TEAM MATCH. Kane (Boos), Daniel Bryan (Boos and Yeahs), vs. Sheamus (MORE Boos than Kane) and CM Punk (Cheered by everyone!) Then Foley mentions that the fired John Laurinaitis will give his “Farewell Address.” Foley introduces Big Johnny, who gets booed mercilessly from the crowd.

As Laurinaitis one crutches his way to the ring, loud "WE WANT RYDER" chants are heard from the crowd. Do they get Ryder? (Spoiler Alert: No) John Laurinaitis tries to introduce himself but the crowd wants no part of him. Mick Foley tries to get the crowd to keep the noise down, but nobody tells fans what to do! Foley traded his cheap pop for cheap heat, right Here in Long Island! He tells the crowds that John Laurinaitis said “Long Island Sucks,” causing them to get even angrier. Laurinaitis declares the whole crowd to be rude and waits to give his farewell address later in the show. Then he announces that his last act as General Manager was creating the Main Event for tonight: John Cena vs. Big Show, David Otunga and him. With matches like that, it’s unbelievable he got fired. Laurinaitis mocks Mick Foley’s “Have A Nice Day!” then leaves the ring, proud but hobbling out of the ring. In between the sounds of his one-crutch and the boos, you hear -

IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!

Sheamus comes to the ring and mocks John Laurinaitis before hugging Mick Foley. John Laurinaitis resumes hobbling before it can get any worse…

*Static Static* Duhnuhnuhnuhnuh! Duhnuhnuhnuhnuh!

Okay. CM Punk’s theme doesn’t work like the others. But CM Punk comes out to the ring, looks at Big Johnny and does the umpire “You’re out of here!” thing I’ve seen in sportsketball games.

Snapshots: Layla's Dance Grooves

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

Layla demonstrates urban dancing

Layla demonstrates "not so urban" dancing

Follow Layla's Dance Grooves and you too, could one day be Flawless!

(Credit to YearOfHunico for gifs)

Snapshots: Ryback's New Catchphrase

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

FEED. ME. S'MORES!

Snapshots: Daniel Bryan vs. The World

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

   In a Triple Threat Match, it's usually the Champion is in the disadvantaged position; they have to defeat two opponents in order to retain the title. At WWE No Way Out 2012, in the Triple Threat match - CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs. Kane (Big Red Monster) vs. Daniel Bryan (YES! YES! YES!) - the disadvantage really belongs to Daniel Bryan. If he can win, it's only one of several fights in his future. To earn the right to date AJ, the coolest girl in the WWE, he has to best ALL of her Exes:
 

Credit to TrustMeImAStomach

    Incidentally, if you didn't catch the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World reference, you should read the Books. Or watch the Movie. Or play the Videogame. Actually, please do all three.

So...That Happened: 06/11/12

When unable to tweet, Kyle will post Monday Night RAW commentary,“
So…That Happened.” 

So That Happened, 06/11/12:

This recap is in no way affiliated with The WWE, Monday Night Raw 
or the Domino's Pizza Tracker. We're Papa John's guys.

John Laurinaitis’ Job Evaluation:

John Laurinaitis makes his way to the ring and introduces himself until he’s cut off by the Royal Rumble 1999 theme. Wait, that’s not Royal Rumble 1999, it’s Mr. McMahon! McMahon comes to the ring to a loud reaction. John Laurinaitis wants to shake his hand but Vince doesn’t wanna shake his hand. He doesn’t know where it’s been. Yes we do. The Bellas, Eve, Kelly Kelly…John Laurinaitis gives a lot of handshakes. Vince says they’re not buddies and asks John Laurinaitis to give him a reason not to fire his “pencil neck butt.”

John Laurinaitis says Two Words. If you thought he'd say, “Suck It,” you’re stuck in 1998. Laurinaitis says “People Power.” He leads the people and they love him for it. Vince asks the people if they love him and they disagree. As Laurinaitis pleads his case, a loud “Fire Johnny” chant breaks out which puts a smile on Mr. McMahon’s face but a look of concern on Johnny Curtis’. Laurinaitis says he and McMahon are both astute businessman. Vince calls him out on Brock Lesnar causing them two lawsuits and hiring the wrong one legged wrestler. Vince also calls him out on hiring the Big Show back to an iron clad bonus and a big contract. McMahon replies - and I quote:

“What’s wrong with you? What are you thinking? 

This guy hasn’t performed effectively since 1999. 

What a horrible investment for the WWE.”

Greatest. Line. Ever.

John Laurinaitis continues to put himself over and claims the locker room looks up to him and that they’re his friends. Vince says that they can’t even understand him so how can he be friends. Hey, people didn’t understand the Berzerker and have you SEEN that guy's Facebook? As John Laurinaitis continues talking all of a sudden -

IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!

Sheamus makes his way out to the ring to let Mr. McMahon know that John Laurinaitis is a good friend. He’s such a good friend that he’ll fine you half a million dollars for no reason and for bumping into you when you’re trying to do your Ultimate Warrior impression. As Sheamus is pleading his case, Mr. McMahon points out “#FireJohnny” is trending worldwide. The crowd chants “Yes!” as Johnny Curtis gets really nervous! Sheamus mentions that John Laurinaitis is the worst General Manager in WWE History. (He out Adamle’d Adamle!) Laurinaitis gets offended and says he’s going to make Sheamus regret what he said when he faces his opponent tonight.

Mr. McMahon chimes in saying that John Laurinaitis’ opponent better be impressive and that the whole night should be impressive or else he’s going to hear these two words: If you thought he'd say "Head Cheese," then seriously. Get out of the Attitude Era. John Laurinaitis hobbles his way to the back as Mr. McMahon steals John Laurinaitis’s hover scooter and rides up the ramp. With two previously broken quads, the scooter might be a good investment for his future. Better than a 1999 Big Show. After feeling old in the scooter, McMahon dumps the scooter right off the stage! WWE really knows the value of a dollar.

Snapshots: Go AJ's!

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

AJ Styles

and AJ Lee

are really making wrestling fun again.

Go AJ's!

(Gif makers are credited in the hyperlinks.)

Snapshots: We Did It!

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

3 Man Booth is proud to be part of the WWE's "The Day After RAW" Tweets!

We'd like to thank Jesus. The Academy. We'd like to thank Team Jacob, everyone's favorite place, Puerto Rico, and - most of all - Carlito.

Seriously, though. Thanks for all the Tweets, Retweets, Mentions and Follows. Be sure to keep checking out our Twitter List.  If you'd like to be a part of it, please leave a comment or send us a mention.

3 Count: Substitute Themes

In 3 Count, Three Man Booth will Discuss Wrestling & Wrestling Related Music: 

The Good, The Bad, and The Cheesy

With the WWE owning much of its competitors' video libraries, they often have to put in substitute entrance themes when releasing / re-releasing matches. Usually, the WWE dubs in stock music, elevator Muzak versions of popular songs, or a toned down version of a Superstar's recent WWE theme.

In the case of the Road Warriors, who used Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" while in NWA/WCW, somebody decided to use "The Hit" by Richard Myhill. Unfamiliar with "The Hit?" Not if you've seen a Cheetos commercial lately:

Listen, I'm not denying that this song is awesome. It is, inherently so. But for the Legion of Doom? For the spike shouldered, mohawked, face painted, aggression fueled monsters that dominated the wrestling world?

Look at the Road Warriors in action set to "The Hit" and try to convince me it makes sense

because all I can see is this:

And, yes, they know.

So That Happened: 06/05/12

When unable to tweet (hence last week's absence),
Kyle will post Monday Night RAW commentary,“So…That Happened.” 

So That Happened, 06/05/12:

This recap is in no way affiliated with The WWE, Monday Night Raw 
but it IS affiliated with Stansky and Rosenberg. For all your
entertainment needs!

Recaps on Caps on Caps: Big Show’s rampage on the faces

Michael Cole kicks RAW off calling out John Cena for an interview. Cena comes out and tells his BFF, Stu The Cameraman, "How are you at home? How are you out there? They're everywhere." Stu's day was great, John. He saved Alicia Fox from choking in catering. But you didn't ask him about his day, did you? Cena says "Let's start the show, shall we?" Cena’s so mean to Stu. I don’t know why Stu puts up with it.

Michael Cole blames John Cena for Big Show’s attacks on the faces. Cole says this all could have been avoided but Cena wanted to be a comedian instead. Just like his wrestling, Cena's comedy isn’t very good. Cole asks Cena if he’s proud of himself. Cena repeats the question then asks if Cole still has his collection of My Little Pony’s. Michael Cole seems like a Pinkie Pie kind of guy, despite wearing Twilight Sparkle purple.

Bronyism aside, Cena says that he’s proud of himself then rants about Laurinaitis being a power hungry bully and reminds us of him firing Big Show. Cena tells his plan of getting Laurinaitis fired and getting Big Show’s job back. You know if he told Big Show this plan, it would’ve avoided a lot of trouble. Cole calls Cena out on his plan not being set in stone and says Cena’s wrapped up in his own ego. Cole tells Cena that the WWE is not about him (Lie of the year) and defends Big Show’s actions. Cena calls Big Show a man that wants a wallet the size of his waistline. I don’t blame the Big Show. He’s gotta put those Subway sandwich cards somewhere. Cena says that Big Show turned his back on him and the crowd.

Cole calls Cena out on being jealous because Big Show won his match at Wrestlemania and that Cena lost his and got beaten up by Brock Lesnar. Cole mentions that he has been supporting John Cena for years, but he’s tired of it. The John Cena shirt, wristbands, hats, wall clocks, slippers, koozies, beach balls and yarmulkes were one thing. But the John Cena Birth Control pills are the last straw. Cole hopes that Big Show destroys Cena and puts us all out of our misery. I don’t. That leaves us with more Big Show, which leaves us more miserable than before. Cole reminds Cena that he can’t be attacked; a rule Jim Ross wishes they had this rule back in 2011. Or 2003. Or 2001. Jim Ross gets attacked a lot.

John Laurinaitis’ Final Fantasy music plays and he comes to the ring in his hover round. He tells Cena that he let Big Show picked his opponent last week and that, in the spirit of People Power, Cena is allowed to pick his opponent this week. In the spirit of People Power, Cena picked Laurinaitis but Big Johnny retired. Cena gets on board with the idea and picks his opponent, Michael Cole, for the Main Event. Cole asks Laurinaitis to tell Cena that he can’t do it. Laurinaitis just wheels away like a boss. Did you hear the sound of that? That’s the sound of remotes simultaneously clicking to the NBA Playoffs.

Jerry Lawler mentions CM Punk vs. Kane and Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus tonight. So if you didn’t see Smackdown, this is brand new for you. Also Kane’s photo is on fire again. WHO took these pictures?

Snapshots: Starman!

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share.

 
At the PWS 5 Year Anniversary Show this past weekend in Rahway, NJ, there were a great of deal of  wrestling legends packed into the two day extravaganza.
The Great Muta
Mil Mascaras
Big Van Vader
2 Cold Scorpio
Tommy Dreamer
The Nasty Boys
Th Briscoe Brothers
Fat Pack
Davey Richards
Adam Cole
Maria Kanellis
Colt Cabana
Koko B. Ware
PN News
5 Dollar Wrestling Champion, Freight Train

However, there's one wrestler that shone above all others:

 

STARMAN!!

Starman was so popular, he stopped the YES! chants from the smarks in the crowd!
For 5 WHOLE MINUTES!
And for that, Three Man Booth declares The Winner is You, Starman!